When Believing Can Be Futile… Sometimes.

I mostly grew up as a religious person and I have scoured books tackling the same, most importantly the Holy Scripture. However, it seems that as time went by—especially latter days—I have found belief as a mere ideal that can somehow be apart from reality. This, I should mean, religious belief: with all of the trappings of the glorious, of reverence, of holy obeisance, it seems that I could not get myself to adhere or affiliate to something I should cling to in reference to a divine entity. For sure enough (for me), every religious creed has its own version of a Deity; so to whom should mankind uphold? And if I should speak of Christianity, where should a guarantee in terms of Christ’s authenticity may be found inasmuch as it seems there is a dearth of records or physical evidences (apart from so-called writings) attesting to his life and works? Moreover, why should there be condemnation unto those who do not believe if in case evidences are all that matter? Is that God really filled with seething vindictiveness that individuals meting punishment are those who supposedly doubt or refrain from following “doctrines” or refuse indoctrination in a “true church” (as if individuals in a physical group or belief system can crown themselves “chosen ones” or possess the fullness of faith or truth)?

Nevertheless I do not close myself to nullity as realities can be obscure at some point.